“I want to go see about a girl”
How splendid this line is: To know one can change their mind, to realize one can forge their own path and follow their instincts.
I know I did, even when the other didn’t do it for me.
He thought I wanted to destroy him, but in reality, he destroyed me.
Shattered me. Consumed me and spat me out.
I have nothing…or everything.
I’ve lived it all. I’ve experienced it all. Is that enough?
I am gasping for air, trying to lift the burden of his crushing soul laid over me like a ton of bricks. It scratches away like a hawk circling the leftover flesh of love that I still possess. I have nothing left; they chewed me up like hyenas, lurking all this time. I was a friend, yet I had no one. They had each other.
The thing is, this story repeats itself in other spaces of my life. But I have hope because the people who seem most sane, see me. They see my soul as if it were an open book. They have devoured their egos, and you can tell it has perished, set aside for future use, but not used on me.
I remember the last goodbye. It wasn’t from him; it was from his brother, the reason we got together.
I hope and pray for them to see me, to feel the damage, the anger they instilled in me. I can’t do anything about it. Nothing. All I know is that somehow, they won’t sleep at night just because I exist. The pain they caused me still lingers, and the anger they birthed in me remains….all directed toward them. The string is there, but the power of my pain is what holds it together. It was love, but it’s not love anymore; it’s all just pain.
So maybe one day he’ll go see about a girl. And she won’t be me. But I know the pain he caused me will follow him just the same.
an0nymth0ughts 