Dear….

I don’t know if you will ever read this. I miss you. I don’t know why most would write the word “but”, it comes as second nature after writing “I don’t know”….but…. I do know…. And the “but” is unnecessary.

It drives through and maybe the word “but” is just a speedbump to make the feeling slide a lot less harsh as it goes through.

The bursts of yearning consumes me and I know it’s because time does not erase pain, it merely expands my experience as I gain more pain and yearning on top of what already is.

Some days seem harder than others or because I am going through grief again, I feel I miss you.

I would talk to you and tell you that I still don’t understand people, that my desire to stay in solitude has risen and I don’t wish to change that.

I miss being alone with you…. You understood me.

As I write, I am more yearning for myself than I am for you. I miss you but …. I lost myself with you and I finally found pieces of me again.

I am holding on to me and wont lose these pieces again.

To you always, truly.